Heathens Highway

Sometimes I make porn and stuff. Sometimes I just ramble.

Category Archives for: Shemales

Why God, why?

26 March 2007 by dwb

I have been trying to shoot very little in Thailand these days, but when I do, I like to shoot 1 or 2 movies to pay for my travel expenses. Usually about 5 minutes into the first shoot I find myself thinking, “Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting your time with this bubble gum porn?” Then by the end of the shoot I confirm with myself that it really is not worth the money.

For starters, Thai people are just not sexual. Yea, they will blow darts out of their ass on stage for all to see, but off stage they are generally shy and not really into porn. And yea, they know how to dress like whores, but most of them have no clue what “sexy” really means, even after Justin Timberlake recently brought it back. And yea, there are more prostitutes here selling ass than probably anywhere else on earth, but that doesn’t mean they want to make porn or are any good at it.

They often look the opposite of where you ask them to look, cum without warning, complain they hurt, show up late, leave early, lie about everything and try to pass off bogus IDs on you, and then steal something on the way out the door just for the sake of stealing. And I pay them to do this.

This trip started as a vacation with my brother and turned into another trip from hell. Due to the restrictions on my award ticket, I was not able to go home to care of the problem in my living room. You remember, the one were my ceiling collapsed and it rained in my living room for two weeks while the house sat empty. It still sits a mess, mildewing as I type this.

Luckily my good friend here let me use his gear to shoot a couple of movies to offset my costs. The least I can do for his generosity is give him a link to his site, so please visit OnProbation.com.

Mr. Kincade cashed in some miles to come over for 10 days to help me work. His second day here, he pinched a nerve in his back and is just now getting back on his feet, but he’s still in a lot of pain.

Then I saw this God awful mess.

This once again made me question it all. Here is a tranny who does not care enough about herself to get this taken care of. This is quite possibly the worst case of “something” I have ever seen.

Of course she did not even tell me about this and let me get through 75 photos before I went down for that tranny under shot to see her balls, then SURPRISE!

This dumb cunt actually thought she could do a wack-off scene for me and it would not be noticed.

Out of the goodness of my tiny Grinch heart, I paid her 2000 baht to go to the doctor, but we both knew she was going to by yaabaa (drugs) with it and it would be smoked before the sun would rise.

How could you have this on your nuts and NOT be taking care of it? I mean, look at this shit, you know it hurts, but she is still out selling her asshole every night. Unreal.

It’s very difficult to get motivated to work with people who show up with shit like this on their body and try to lie to you about it, then steal your deodorant on the way out the door.

Amazing Thailand.

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When ladyboys call…

24 March 2007 by dwb

At 7:04am my phone rang just about the time where I was nodding off to sleep. It was Thailand’s infamous ladyboy Amy Amour.

Me: This had better be good or someone better be dead, it’s 7am.

Amy: Mr. Dee, what do you do now?

Me: Sleep!!!

Amy: Ok, good. You can come to take my photo now?

Me: You smoking yaabaa?

Amy: No Mr Dee, why you ting-tong so much? I no sa-moke yaabaa.

Me: Mmm hmmm.

Amy: So you take my photo or not? Today I have good heart and I give you for free.

Me: Where do you want to meet?

Amy: The gay beach in Jomtien.

Me: Hmmmm. OK, See you in 30 minutes. You better be there.

I hang up the phone and grab my travel camera. I have this nice Canon Powershot that can take some really nice shots and it’s small and easy to travel with so I take it everywhere with me. So out the door I went.

We met at the “gay beach” (Dongtan Beach) as the sun hit about 200 degrees. I shot a handful of photos of her, and it wasn’t long before she had to squint so I called it a wrap. I explained to her that it would be est if she called me next time BEFORE the sun came up so we can work while it’s cool and the sun is giving off that warm morning glow.

What happened next is still a bit of a blur, but we ended up at a water park. No, a real water park, she did not piss on me, nor I her. A Thai water park is much like the water parks around the rest of the world except they don’t care about the safety of their customers. You can ride the speed slides with people on your back, which we did and she rode me like a surf board. You can attempt to stand up as you fly down the super slide, which we did not do but plenty of the Thai boys did and busted their ass along the way.

Face first, ass first, upside down, and with a topless ladyboy on your back… all is fair game in the land of smiles and chlorine filled water.

Lat me back up a minute and tell you that I last about 5 minutes at this place before injury #1 occurred. She ushered me up to the largest speed slide and demanded that I went first. “You da man, you go first!” I told her. She found that amusing, but pushed me along and somehow I ended up sitting at the top of this shoot looking down into the shallow waters below, where I would soon end up. The thing that worried me the most, besides my size and weight, is that everyone in the water below was only waist deep.

Somehow, I am supposed to come down this slide into waist deep water and not end up a cripple. I’ve done much worse and dangerous things in my life, so off I went.

About 5 seconds into this slide I was struck my fear. I was going waaaaay too fast. The water is going to be too shallow for my fat ass and I’m going to get hurt, there is no question about it. The logical thing to do was to stick my hands to the edges of the fiberglass slide and try to slow myself down.

Dumb idea.

What I actually did was seriously burn, as in major friction burn, 6 of my 10 fingers. This did not actually slow me down but I was going so fast I did not feel the burn at the time.

I hit the water and to my surprise skipped across it and walked out of the pool, at which time my fingers felt like they were being mashed onto a grill. I sucked it up because I did not want to look like a tourist pussy, and headed back up to go one a much smaller and curvy slide where I was to become a human surf board for a transsexual and two small Russian boys who were also allowed, not by me, to mount my body just before I shoved off.

I’m sure it was quite a site. Me, the chunky American, a small transsexual, and two Russian kids about 10 years old each, were speeding down this slide screaming like little girls. For a moment, it was fun. However, the fun didn’t last long and after a few more body surfing trips, I got a wild hair up my ass to go face first, superman style, down the biggest speed slide.

I don’t know exactly how fast I was going but it had to be near the speed of light. I think the shove off is what made it worse because when I hit the first “hump,” I caught air and traveled about 10 feet in the air before having the wind knocked out of my body as I hit, only to pick up more speed. At this stage, it would be normal to shit your pants, but as I found out, humans are unable to shit themselves while traveling the speed of light. Who knew?

What happened next is a little fuzzy, but I do remember hitting the water so fast and going under water. My trunks started to pull off my body because of the speed in which I hit the water. I could feel them slipping off as I was darting underwater and with my hands, I reached out like Christopher Reeves in his finest Hollywood hour.

At this point I could have let them slip off as I’m sure it was not the first time this has happened coming off of this bullet side, and for certain it would not be the first time my pants had fallen off somewhere foreign.

I don’t know where in my mind I thought I could just hunch over and pull up my shorts, but when I made even the slightest tilt of my head, I shot straight down and smashed my head in the shallow water while traveling at a speed that should have killed me or at least broke my neck, in true Superman style. It felt like someone hit me in the head with a large hammer, then I blacked out for a few seconds and came to on my back floating in the water.

My head was spinning, and I didn’t realize how hurt I was, but the little persistent tranny got me up for one more surf ride before I drove her on my moped to her friends house (another hot ladyboy) where they played with Barbie Dolls and made me watch the Victoria Secret DVD while they acted it out. It was a strange afternoon.

After chilling out for a while I knew I needed to have my head looked at as the throbbing was becoming more intense. I knew this feeling well from years of skateboarding as a kid and falling on my head. I spent the next couple hours at the Bangkok-Pattaya Hospital where they checked me out and around 1pm, they confirmed my thoughts of a mild concussion.

It had been a glorious morning but it did not come without injury to my fingers, neck, head, left shoulder, left ear and skin. Oh yea, I think I forgot to mention that my head and face are burnt to a crisp.

If there is a moral to this story, I think it has something to do about not answering your phone at 7am when you are called out of the blue, by a ladyboy.

Hell is…

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Cutting off big black tranny dicks

02 March 2007 by dwb

I think I blacked this one out, but it just creeped back into my brain for some reason, and I’m going to share it with you.

So… I met a black transsexual while I was picking up a black girl that I was about to shoot for a scene. I have no clue how the topic turned to this but we started talking about sex change operations and she, the tranny, told me how there was a guy in “Over The Rhine” (the Cincinnati ghetto) that did full sex change operations IN HIS APARTMENT!!!!

Yes, you read that right. Some loon was chopping off inner city tranny cocks IN HIS APARTMENT, and the trannys were lined up to have it done!!!

You know what… this is so heinous I don’t even want to continue this post. I’m remembering the conversation I had with that poor tranny who was going to have her cock chopped at this crazy dudes house and I’m getting all weird about it.

I’m out.

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Phimosis

08 January 2007 by dwb

We learn something new every day, and what I just learned has been driving me crazy for 2 years. But now I know what it is.

Every since I started shooting Asian transsexuals I noticed many of them had a problem where their penis heads could not come outside of the foreskin. Many of them said it was painful when their cocks became hard, and by the looks of things, I believe them.

Well, it turns out they suffer from a medical condition called Phimosis.

This of course also gives the illusion of a limp cock if you are not able to see the head of the penis.

I kept getting mails from my distributor telling me they needed photos of ladyboys with hard cocks, and I was sending them photos with hard cocks. It was very frustrating to say the least, but now I know I have Wikipedia to back me up.

Click Here to see what Wikipedia has to say about Phimosis.

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2007 Words of wisdom

01 January 2007 by dwb

Happy 2007 everyone!

The sign posted above is a real sign but they forgot the most important bit of information. In addition to not allowing the Ladyboys upstairs, they forgot to add: “And whatever you do, don’t ever, for any amount of money, let them in the back door.”

I would like to start 2007 with the following advice:

Don’t let the Ladyboys in your back door and you will have a wonderful and prosperous 2007.

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2006 – Year of the Heathen

31 December 2006 by dwb

2006 was the year of the Heathen.

In Asia it will soon be the turn of the new year. Not by their calendar, but by ours and it is the American way to say that’s all that matters.

I can honestly say that 2006 flashed by me in a blink of an eye, and a squirt of a cumshot.

We worked too much. I’m not sure exactly how much content we shot, but it was a lot. Many, many, many DVDs worth. For me, 2006 is one cum shot after another and one immigration line after another.

While I made a lot of money in 2006, I lost touch with a few friends along the way. It’s a shame how that works out.

With the help of a few good women, I made a couple of babies. Most of which never took their first breath. Not the first time I have been with a woman who had an abortion, but it still weighs on my soul sometimes. An ex-girlfriend of mine had an abortion and I went into the room with her during the process. The sound of the device while sucking out a child, the vacuum I assume they call it, was almost too much to deal with. She was crying, “you’re killing my baby.” It was heavy.

I’m getting off track.

With the help of my brother from another mother, I started a new business. It’s still in it’s infancy, but 2007 looks like it’s going to be a good year. I can’t wait to pay Uncle Sam more of my hard earned money. He and his wife are the only married couple I know who appear to be happy. Not good odds for those of you idiots who are getting married in 2007.

I caught Gonorrhea once. OK, twice. Those Asian strains are som bitches to get rid of as they have grown resistant to the standard meds used to clear up the drip. You learn something new every day don’t ya?

When I go back to the USA, I feel like a stranger now. I don’t know where anything is in my apartment anymore. I can’t find all the light switches in the dark. But the trade off to forgetting where your light switches are, is an incredible apartment in Thailand with an ocean view.

I spent time in Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Philippines & Singapore. Fucked whores in all of them. That’s not my purpose for travel but it does help me waste the time after I’m done doing the tourist shit or adventure roaming. So I did get around in 2006, literally, and had to have 20 more pages added to my passport after getting refused departure in Cambodia for not having a single place for them to place an exit stamp. They refused to stamp the very back because it has an autograph of Kid-Rock on it.

During this miserable experience in Cambodia, I sent a text message to a friend of mine and got this reply: “cool. find a whore 2 fuck while you r there.”

Whore mongers to the end.

One night out drinking I lost a shoe and didn’t notice it until I was sobering up and it was long gone. That morning I held onto my bed and vomited out of control, minus a shoe, as the room twirled out of control. That was the last time I went drinking with Jscott and Dugmor.

I met some great new friends. Met some strange fuckers and a few people who I would rather not see again. I also grew a deep hatred for the incredibly rude middle eastern pricks who have invaded Thailand. I call Jihad on them and their hypocritical ways.

We were chased by the cops. I paid off some cops. Someone went to jail.

My baby brother got his Real Estate license while I was out of the country. That came by surprise and added to the reality check of me getting older. That check first came when he turned 30 this year. How does your little brother turn 30? Wow. But I’m very proud of him. Very proud.

My mom found a new boyfriend (she has been single for a while) and is in Love. I have never seen her so happy in my entire life. They even got tattoos like white trash hillbillies. He likes porn, smokes weed, and thinks I have the best job in the word. I’m happy for her and as long as she’s happy… that’s all that matters to me. Go mom! 2006 was a kick as year for her.

Kman tied the knot with a woman. I repeat, Kman tied the knot with a woman. I don’t think I need to go into detail on the magnitude of this for those of you who know him, but for those of you who don’t, it’s as close to Hell freezing over as they come. Speaking of… the above pic is how he gets down. Respect. Please note, there is only one female in that photo.

I wish I could say I did more this year, but it was mostly spent working, traveling or breaking international laws. However, if I had to sum up 2006 in a word… Whores.

So what will I do this year for new years? First I will tell you what I won’t do, and that is a repeat of what I did last year on new years. In fact, I spent it with the same guys that I lost my shoe with (Jscott & Dugmor) and spent it in a drunken stupor barebacking some chubby Thai hooker with ENORMOUS tits on the piss covered bathroom floor of a Go-Go Bar in Pattaya. < insert joke about the first case of 2006 Gonorrhea here > I can assure you I won’t be doing that again.

This year I will be sitting at home, in Kentucky, watching the world have fun on TV. It’s cold and wet. But to be honest, how can I top last year?

Happy New Years to all of you!!! I would tell you to be safe, but we both know there is no fun in that. Safety is for pansies and men named Shelia. Have unprotected sex with a stranger. Lose a shoe. Lose your pants. Get shit faced and drive home. Some of you just laughed, some just thought I was being irresponsible for saying that but we all know it’s reality and it’s going to happen.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

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Got my ass kicked by a ladyboy

14 June 2006 by dwb

So I got my ass kicked by a ladyboy. So what?

She studied Muay Thai for 8 years, I studied Nintendo.

Truth be told, it wasn’t even much of a fight, it was more like a fast massacre.

She was at least nice enough to make me dinner after she tenderized my face. Jenny may be all the nasty things I have said in the past, but she is also an incredible cook. Though afterward, the truth came out that she whacked off on the chicken before she cooked it.

Hell is… getting your ass kicked by a girl with a bigger cock than yours.

Fuckin’ ladyboys. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.

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Coming unglued

13 June 2006 by dwb

I’m sitting outside at Royal Garden Plaza today, watching the people walk by and I started looking at Thai boys and wondering if they would make a pretty ladyboy or not.

Not in a sexual way, but literally I was wondering which of them could transform into a pretty transsexual.

This was the first time I’ve found myself with such thoughts.

“This boy would have to take out his adams apple.”

“That boy needs a nose job.”

“That boy over there, he is so feminine all he needs is long hair and a dress.”

And so on and so forth.

Right about then, ladyboy Noot walks up to me and says she heard that Jenny “boxed me” in the eye. Noot laughed, grabbed my cock and walked off in only a manner that a ladyboy can do. I like to call it, the ladyboy strut.

I called Jenny and asked her why she insists on running her mouth about everything to everyone. Her reply was, “Mis-ter Dee, I box you in eye too mut, you speak no good”, then she grunted and hung up the phone.

Then I called John and asked him what the fuck was going on with his bully sidekick and he warned me that she was, at that very second, putting her shoes on to come find me and “box” me again.

I honestly fear this is going to end badly.

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Punched in the eye by a ladyboy

11 June 2006 by dwb

Unbeknown to me, you know who read my blog to Jenny today.

Not having a clue Jenny was upset with me, I stopped by La Casa del Ladyboys to check out a shoot they had going on and Jenny punched me right in the fucking eye when she opened the door to let me in.

She then made a stupid noise, did some sort of a superhero pose and walked back to the shoot as if nothing had happened.

It’s throbbing at the moment and I have a little cut in the eyebrow. I could probably use a couple of stitches. I’ll see how it looks tomorrow.

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Jenny Star

09 June 2006 by dwb

Jenny is John’s right hand she-man, weekend lover, fill in stunt cock and muse.

John has re-named her “Jenny Star” after the popular ladyboy bar, Jenny Star Bar, on Walking Street here in Pattaya.

Jenny often makes dumb faces, makes dumb noises and will not hesitate to jump on your shoulders and dry hump you in the middle of a restaurant. Yes, really. Sometimes she is fun, but when you’re not in the mood, she will jump up and down on your very last nerve and grunt like an ape while doing it.

Right now, she is really getting on my nerves.

A friend of mine who has a ladyboy girlfriend (already sounds like a bad start), would come to Pattaya from Bangkok and shoot with us. On the side he would get a BJ or two while his other half would watch TV in Bangkok, or would be out giving a BJ or two.

When he came to town, Jenny was the first to run her mouth that he had been playing around with other ladyboys. And for those who don’t know, there is a thing called The Ladyboy Network. Think of it like the “red phone” that world leaders may have to call each other moments before a nuclear war. An emergency hot line.

Well, ladyboys have a similar system and word travels among them faster than you could ever imagine.

Jenny has been using The Ladyboy Network to let everyone know, all the way in Bangkok two hours away, that this guy is being a butterfly. This is problem number one.

Problem number two is, as I’m searching for ladyboys to shoot myself, I’m running across many ladyboys who will tell me that I have to ask Jenny or Mister John if they can work with me.

This is a first.

The doings of Jenny and/or Mr. Johns I don’t know, but it is quite comical to watch a dead broke yaa-baa freak stay broke because another ladyboy would tell her to do so. However, this is Thailand and anything is possible.

Do you remember the girl who robbed me?

Well, Jenny could not keep her mouth shut about that as well. We all know Jenny can’t read English so one can only assume her boyfriend read it to her off my blog.

I rolled into a ladyboy bar tonight and had to give a play by play to 6 or 7 different ladyboys who wanted to know the entire story. I asked them how they knew, they all said Jenny. What a cunt! Or maybe she is a dick. I’m not sure what to call her, but she is on very thin ice.

Jenny is making about $500 USD per week working for John, bring him talent and such. To her, she has hit the jackpot, but I’m not sure what she is doing with her cash. My guess is she will send most of it home to her parents who probably pimped her out in the first place. However, John will be gone soon and she will still be a 3rd world transsexual prostitute. And I’m looking forward to it.

In the event she is smart enough to save her money or do something positive with it, she will still be broke in a matter of weeks, maybe even days after he is gone. That is the Thai way.

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Shooting Ladyboys in Phuket

10 April 2006 by dwb

I am in Phuket right now shooting Ladyboys. So far I have lost 10lbs from sweat, had less that 4 hours of sleep in the last 72 hours and one of our Ladyboys almost perished during our first shoot. I saved her life and grabbed her arm as she literally fell off a cliff. No joke.

She blew me to show her thanks later in the evening. Then we snuggled until I came to my senses.

I’ll try to make a complete post about the shenanigans going on here tomorrow or the day after. Right now we’re knee deep in LB cack (yes, that is spelled correct) and we don’t have a lot of leisure time. Stay tuned.

Gotta run, my big boob Thai cum dumpster is rubbing her beautiful tits on my back and my cack is so hard it hurts. She says, “Sawadee Ka” to you and, “come fuck me now” to me.

Duty calls…..

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Merry Bukkake Christmas

25 December 2005 by dwb

We took this Christmas photo just for you.

It was shot a few minutes before we shot the first ever Ladyboy bukkake scene. That’s right, each and every one of these sexy ladyboys dropped their load on the face of one lucky ladyboy, the one sitting in the very middle of it all.

13 ladyboys in all.

Of course, it didn’t go down as smooth as we would have liked it to, but we did get a scene out of it.

Merry Christmas!

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Limp dick ladyboys

17 December 2005 by dwb

Transsexuals often take hormones and this can cause them to have soft cocks. Normally that is not an issue, but when you’re shooting porn, you need a hard cock.

It’s a good thing we have Hicks around to fluff them.

This pic is a snapshot of Hicks doing what he does best. But in this case, nothing was going to get this little ladyboy hard. She was the little ladyboy who thought she could.

She flat out lied to me about being able to get hard and had nothing but a limp baby dick the entire time. It was a wasted time and wasted money, as I make it a point to sell ladyboy porn where all of the ladyboys have hard cocks.

At least Hicks got to suck some dick. After this shoot we went to see King Kong. Made me forget all about limp ladyboy cocks for 3 hours.

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The gift of surprise

15 December 2005 by dwb

You never know what is going to happen on a shoot. Usually they go somewhat as planned. Sometimes they don’t. And sometimes you are given little gifts that make it all worthwhile.

Today I was given a small gift.

We were filming a ladyboy bukkake scene (the first ever I believe) and I took my eye off the camera and scene for just a moment to make sure I was not going to step on something I didn’t want to step on, and I saw what you see in the photo.

This was totally unexpected and the last time I saw him, he was fully dressed in the other room.

Good laughs.

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Big Ladyboy Cock

15 December 2005 by dwb

What a night last night. I had two Thai hookers sucking me off in the blow job bar and drained every drop of nut from my balls. It was incredible.

After the BJs, we headed to Nana Plaza where we met a ladyboy named Nadia who has a 10 inch cock. For a Brazilian that may be the norm but for an Asian transsexual, it is just insane. It is bat shit crazy. Notice there are 4 hands on it and the head still pops out of the top! And yes, both the small ladyboy and the guy took it in the ass until they bled.

Ladyboy Nadia

Big Cock Nadia

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In love with a Ladyboy

06 December 2005 by dwb

Ok, so it’s true. I have fallen in love with a ladyboy and her name is Eye.

It was love at first site.

And once she wrapped her warm lips around my throbbing cock, I was shouting out my ATM pin number.

She had me at “Sawadee Kha” and now she will be adding me to her list of boyfriends who send her money every month via Western Union, but she says I’m her number one boyfriend, and I believe her.

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