Heathens Highway

Sometimes I make porn and stuff. Sometimes I just ramble.

Category Archives for: Thailand

AVN vs Thailand

04 May 2007 by dwb

After reading review after review on AVN regarding movies shot in Thailand, one thing I noticed was a common thread among them all. Regardless of the reviewer, regardless of if it was a good or bad movie, regardless of how many A’s they gave it, regardless of the director or company, almost every single one of them felt compelled to make a comment about the Thai girls being prostitutes. They just had to throw in that they were working girls, or it was just another days work for them.

Well, there is one exception and it was Hustler, time and time again. Not a single word was written about the Thai girls Hustler has shot in Thailand. It’s not really shocking as Hustler drops quite a but of cashola into AVN for ads. However, Hustler’s Asian Fever movies, shot in Thailand (with the exception of the last one which was pretty damn good), are among the worst movies to ever come out of Asia. I have actually fallen asleep watching Asian Fever and they are totally impossible to masturbate to. I’m a fan of many of the Hustler lines, just not what they shoot in Thailand. However, this is not a “pick on Hustler” post so I will get back to the issue at hand, AVN vs Thailand.

So why do they take their stabs at the Thai girls in every movie except Hustler’s movies?

Well, besides the fact that the girls are all hookers, you have to stop and wonder why the wouldn’t just say they are amateur or first time girls. After all, that is what they say about white girls, Latin girls and black girls if it was shot in LA, South America or Europe.

And what about the models in LA, Europe or South America who make porn and are also prostitutes? Many of them escort and sell their pussy off camera, yet they are “stars,” “models,” “actresses,” and “talent.” And lets not forget that EVERY girl who ever stepped in front of a lens, in any country, did fact get paid for her services. So why are the Thai girls getting singled out? Make no mistake about it, a large majority of the girls in the porn industry are in fact hookers, so what’s the difference?

But don’t take my word for it, here are some quotes I pulled off the reviews:

Black Thai Affair
Reviewed by: Mike Albo
Review: “The girls are all of the Thai hooker variety: not too toned, not too enthusiastic and not all that clean looking.”

Asian Insemination
Reviewed by Bradley Milton
Review: “Truthfully, it wouldn’t be too far off the mark to suggest that Pornero’s performers are hookers.”

Fresh Thai Cream Pies 2
Reviewed by Darklady
Review: “If the women portrayed here are any kind of representative sample, pierced tongues and eyebrows are all the rage among Thailand’s Pattaya bar girls. This surprisingly and sometimes almost disturbingly arousing release introduces five young working girls who take their job seriously. Retailing: More an attraction for admirers of Thai sex workers, with the cream pies as a kind of bonus.”

Bangkok Suckee Fuckee
Reviewed by Bradley Milton
Review: “The sex is pretty good, but it sometimes appears as if the girls are street pros servicing this crazy Yank with a video camera.”

Bangkok Suckee Fuckee 4
Reviewed by Darklady
Review: “When shopping for a porn friendly Thai prostitute, there’s no knowing what to expect until show time. Retailing: For those seeking a grittier, sex-for-sale experience.”

Black Cock in Bangkok
Reviewed by Nelson X
Review: “Although it’s obvious the Thai girls in this release aren’t strangers to the concept of money for sex, they do appear to be genuinely timid about doing it for the cameras.”

Teeny Thais 2
Reviewed by Marc Star
Review: “The footage in Teeny Thais 2 may have been imported from Thailand, or these girls are either first or second-generation immigrants. Either way, they’re authentic Thai girls – some of who have the detached interest of Thai street hookers.”

Babes in Thailand 3somes
Reviewed by Guy Norhinf
Review: “With one of the more basic, simple titles in recent porn history, Babes in Thailand 3somes shows off 10 regional cuties in prostitute-style hotel-room sex.”

Asian Street Hookers 43
Reviewed by Nick Strauss
Review: “With the exception of Jade, all the girls in the title might actually be Thai street hookers, which isn’t much of a selling point either. The entire production has that taint of an illegal and unregulated sex industry that our adult entertainment biz strives to steer clear of.”

Asia Bootleg 4
Reviewed by Marc Star
Review: “These girls are pros. In fact, they may be too pro, because they just don’t seem to get any pleasure out of having sex. Decent enough considering it’s just another day’s work for these girls.”

Of course there are more, but I lost interest after looking at all of these ridiculous comments.

Did someone in charge at AVN get a bad case of the drippy dick while on a sexcapade in Bangkok? Or did he wake up after a night of drunken debauchery only to find out that his girl can piss standing up and that he in fact had been fucking Ladyboy ass all night?

If anyone has the answer to why AVN has a hard on for Thai whores, I’m all ears. Otherwise I’m going to place my money on a drippy dick / Ladyboy combo.

Oh, and a personal note to the AVN reviewers… you suck. Seriously.

Leave a comment | Categories: Adult Industry, Keepin It Real, Thailand | Tags: , ,

Why God, why?

26 March 2007 by dwb

I have been trying to shoot very little in Thailand these days, but when I do, I like to shoot 1 or 2 movies to pay for my travel expenses. Usually about 5 minutes into the first shoot I find myself thinking, “Why are you doing this? Why are you wasting your time with this bubble gum porn?” Then by the end of the shoot I confirm with myself that it really is not worth the money.

For starters, Thai people are just not sexual. Yea, they will blow darts out of their ass on stage for all to see, but off stage they are generally shy and not really into porn. And yea, they know how to dress like whores, but most of them have no clue what “sexy” really means, even after Justin Timberlake recently brought it back. And yea, there are more prostitutes here selling ass than probably anywhere else on earth, but that doesn’t mean they want to make porn or are any good at it.

They often look the opposite of where you ask them to look, cum without warning, complain they hurt, show up late, leave early, lie about everything and try to pass off bogus IDs on you, and then steal something on the way out the door just for the sake of stealing. And I pay them to do this.

This trip started as a vacation with my brother and turned into another trip from hell. Due to the restrictions on my award ticket, I was not able to go home to care of the problem in my living room. You remember, the one were my ceiling collapsed and it rained in my living room for two weeks while the house sat empty. It still sits a mess, mildewing as I type this.

Luckily my good friend here let me use his gear to shoot a couple of movies to offset my costs. The least I can do for his generosity is give him a link to his site, so please visit OnProbation.com.

Mr. Kincade cashed in some miles to come over for 10 days to help me work. His second day here, he pinched a nerve in his back and is just now getting back on his feet, but he’s still in a lot of pain.

Then I saw this God awful mess.

This once again made me question it all. Here is a tranny who does not care enough about herself to get this taken care of. This is quite possibly the worst case of “something” I have ever seen.

Of course she did not even tell me about this and let me get through 75 photos before I went down for that tranny under shot to see her balls, then SURPRISE!

This dumb cunt actually thought she could do a wack-off scene for me and it would not be noticed.

Out of the goodness of my tiny Grinch heart, I paid her 2000 baht to go to the doctor, but we both knew she was going to by yaabaa (drugs) with it and it would be smoked before the sun would rise.

How could you have this on your nuts and NOT be taking care of it? I mean, look at this shit, you know it hurts, but she is still out selling her asshole every night. Unreal.

It’s very difficult to get motivated to work with people who show up with shit like this on their body and try to lie to you about it, then steal your deodorant on the way out the door.

Amazing Thailand.

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real, Porno, Shemales, Thailand, Thinking Out Loud | Tags: , , , , , ,

When ladyboys call…

24 March 2007 by dwb

At 7:04am my phone rang just about the time where I was nodding off to sleep. It was Thailand’s infamous ladyboy Amy Amour.

Me: This had better be good or someone better be dead, it’s 7am.

Amy: Mr. Dee, what do you do now?

Me: Sleep!!!

Amy: Ok, good. You can come to take my photo now?

Me: You smoking yaabaa?

Amy: No Mr Dee, why you ting-tong so much? I no sa-moke yaabaa.

Me: Mmm hmmm.

Amy: So you take my photo or not? Today I have good heart and I give you for free.

Me: Where do you want to meet?

Amy: The gay beach in Jomtien.

Me: Hmmmm. OK, See you in 30 minutes. You better be there.

I hang up the phone and grab my travel camera. I have this nice Canon Powershot that can take some really nice shots and it’s small and easy to travel with so I take it everywhere with me. So out the door I went.

We met at the “gay beach” (Dongtan Beach) as the sun hit about 200 degrees. I shot a handful of photos of her, and it wasn’t long before she had to squint so I called it a wrap. I explained to her that it would be est if she called me next time BEFORE the sun came up so we can work while it’s cool and the sun is giving off that warm morning glow.

What happened next is still a bit of a blur, but we ended up at a water park. No, a real water park, she did not piss on me, nor I her. A Thai water park is much like the water parks around the rest of the world except they don’t care about the safety of their customers. You can ride the speed slides with people on your back, which we did and she rode me like a surf board. You can attempt to stand up as you fly down the super slide, which we did not do but plenty of the Thai boys did and busted their ass along the way.

Face first, ass first, upside down, and with a topless ladyboy on your back… all is fair game in the land of smiles and chlorine filled water.

Lat me back up a minute and tell you that I last about 5 minutes at this place before injury #1 occurred. She ushered me up to the largest speed slide and demanded that I went first. “You da man, you go first!” I told her. She found that amusing, but pushed me along and somehow I ended up sitting at the top of this shoot looking down into the shallow waters below, where I would soon end up. The thing that worried me the most, besides my size and weight, is that everyone in the water below was only waist deep.

Somehow, I am supposed to come down this slide into waist deep water and not end up a cripple. I’ve done much worse and dangerous things in my life, so off I went.

About 5 seconds into this slide I was struck my fear. I was going waaaaay too fast. The water is going to be too shallow for my fat ass and I’m going to get hurt, there is no question about it. The logical thing to do was to stick my hands to the edges of the fiberglass slide and try to slow myself down.

Dumb idea.

What I actually did was seriously burn, as in major friction burn, 6 of my 10 fingers. This did not actually slow me down but I was going so fast I did not feel the burn at the time.

I hit the water and to my surprise skipped across it and walked out of the pool, at which time my fingers felt like they were being mashed onto a grill. I sucked it up because I did not want to look like a tourist pussy, and headed back up to go one a much smaller and curvy slide where I was to become a human surf board for a transsexual and two small Russian boys who were also allowed, not by me, to mount my body just before I shoved off.

I’m sure it was quite a site. Me, the chunky American, a small transsexual, and two Russian kids about 10 years old each, were speeding down this slide screaming like little girls. For a moment, it was fun. However, the fun didn’t last long and after a few more body surfing trips, I got a wild hair up my ass to go face first, superman style, down the biggest speed slide.

I don’t know exactly how fast I was going but it had to be near the speed of light. I think the shove off is what made it worse because when I hit the first “hump,” I caught air and traveled about 10 feet in the air before having the wind knocked out of my body as I hit, only to pick up more speed. At this stage, it would be normal to shit your pants, but as I found out, humans are unable to shit themselves while traveling the speed of light. Who knew?

What happened next is a little fuzzy, but I do remember hitting the water so fast and going under water. My trunks started to pull off my body because of the speed in which I hit the water. I could feel them slipping off as I was darting underwater and with my hands, I reached out like Christopher Reeves in his finest Hollywood hour.

At this point I could have let them slip off as I’m sure it was not the first time this has happened coming off of this bullet side, and for certain it would not be the first time my pants had fallen off somewhere foreign.

I don’t know where in my mind I thought I could just hunch over and pull up my shorts, but when I made even the slightest tilt of my head, I shot straight down and smashed my head in the shallow water while traveling at a speed that should have killed me or at least broke my neck, in true Superman style. It felt like someone hit me in the head with a large hammer, then I blacked out for a few seconds and came to on my back floating in the water.

My head was spinning, and I didn’t realize how hurt I was, but the little persistent tranny got me up for one more surf ride before I drove her on my moped to her friends house (another hot ladyboy) where they played with Barbie Dolls and made me watch the Victoria Secret DVD while they acted it out. It was a strange afternoon.

After chilling out for a while I knew I needed to have my head looked at as the throbbing was becoming more intense. I knew this feeling well from years of skateboarding as a kid and falling on my head. I spent the next couple hours at the Bangkok-Pattaya Hospital where they checked me out and around 1pm, they confirmed my thoughts of a mild concussion.

It had been a glorious morning but it did not come without injury to my fingers, neck, head, left shoulder, left ear and skin. Oh yea, I think I forgot to mention that my head and face are burnt to a crisp.

If there is a moral to this story, I think it has something to do about not answering your phone at 7am when you are called out of the blue, by a ladyboy.

Hell is…

Leave a comment | Categories: Hell Is:, Keepin It Real, Shemales, Thailand | Tags: , , ,

Eating tarantulas

25 February 2007 by dwb

I have been on a long needed mini-vacation, but reality struck me hard on my first day back on the grind when I rolled into Thailand to find that several of my DVDs are being bootlegged on the streets. :-( God damn this place! As if it’s not difficult enough, now I have to explain to the girls why their movies are selling in their country, after I told them it never would.

Anyway… my little brother and I have been running around Asia checking out temples, beaches and whores for the past 2 weeks and have had a blast. He had his first 3 way and we both got sun burned after a full day boating around the Phi Phi Islands. Somehow we ended up in Cambodia and spent a few days eating “Happy Pizza” while running around like fools at Angkor Wat.

Good times.

So now I’m sitting in a room with a broken air-con and little piss ants crawling all over the table where I’m typing, and wondering if these little fuckers will ruin my laptop if they get inside of it, or will the heat of the laptop just cook them alive. Speaking of cooking alive, while we were out and about we munched on crocodile meat, silk worms and even a fried tarantula!!! Believe it or not the tarantula tasted pretty damn good, much like BBQ. Eating tarantula seems to be something normal of parts of South East Asia. Go figure.

Leave a comment | Categories: Cambodia, Keepin It Real, On The Road, Thailand | Tags: , , , , , ,

Phimosis

08 January 2007 by dwb

We learn something new every day, and what I just learned has been driving me crazy for 2 years. But now I know what it is.

Every since I started shooting Asian transsexuals I noticed many of them had a problem where their penis heads could not come outside of the foreskin. Many of them said it was painful when their cocks became hard, and by the looks of things, I believe them.

Well, it turns out they suffer from a medical condition called Phimosis.

This of course also gives the illusion of a limp cock if you are not able to see the head of the penis.

I kept getting mails from my distributor telling me they needed photos of ladyboys with hard cocks, and I was sending them photos with hard cocks. It was very frustrating to say the least, but now I know I have Wikipedia to back me up.

Click Here to see what Wikipedia has to say about Phimosis.

Leave a comment | Categories: And Now You Know, Shemales, Thailand | Tags: , ,

Long Keck Karen Tribe

02 January 2007 by dwb

I took these photos last year with my friend Bin while we traveled up north around the Thai / Burmese border.

This tribe was incredible to see, but sad at the same time. Everyone thinks the rings around their neck stretches their neck, and if they are removed, they will die. That is not true. The rings are quite heavy and they compress their collar bones, giving the illusion of a stretched neck. You’ll see a handful of the women without them. Removing them will not kill them.

So does anyone know of any long neck brothels in Burma? Sorry, I mean Myanmar. I do, and I’m not sharing.

And what’s with these countries changing their names? Burma & Siam are bad ass names. Myanmar & Thailand are average at best. I have no idea who changed them or why, but for now, lets blame Bush.

Leave a comment | Categories: Memories, Random Photos, Thailand | Tags: , , , , ,

2007 Words of wisdom

01 January 2007 by dwb

Happy 2007 everyone!

The sign posted above is a real sign but they forgot the most important bit of information. In addition to not allowing the Ladyboys upstairs, they forgot to add: “And whatever you do, don’t ever, for any amount of money, let them in the back door.”

I would like to start 2007 with the following advice:

Don’t let the Ladyboys in your back door and you will have a wonderful and prosperous 2007.

Leave a comment | Categories: Random Photos, Shemales, Thailand | Tags: , , ,

2006 – Year of the Heathen

31 December 2006 by dwb

2006 was the year of the Heathen.

In Asia it will soon be the turn of the new year. Not by their calendar, but by ours and it is the American way to say that’s all that matters.

I can honestly say that 2006 flashed by me in a blink of an eye, and a squirt of a cumshot.

We worked too much. I’m not sure exactly how much content we shot, but it was a lot. Many, many, many DVDs worth. For me, 2006 is one cum shot after another and one immigration line after another.

While I made a lot of money in 2006, I lost touch with a few friends along the way. It’s a shame how that works out.

With the help of a few good women, I made a couple of babies. Most of which never took their first breath. Not the first time I have been with a woman who had an abortion, but it still weighs on my soul sometimes. An ex-girlfriend of mine had an abortion and I went into the room with her during the process. The sound of the device while sucking out a child, the vacuum I assume they call it, was almost too much to deal with. She was crying, “you’re killing my baby.” It was heavy.

I’m getting off track.

With the help of my brother from another mother, I started a new business. It’s still in it’s infancy, but 2007 looks like it’s going to be a good year. I can’t wait to pay Uncle Sam more of my hard earned money. He and his wife are the only married couple I know who appear to be happy. Not good odds for those of you idiots who are getting married in 2007.

I caught Gonorrhea once. OK, twice. Those Asian strains are som bitches to get rid of as they have grown resistant to the standard meds used to clear up the drip. You learn something new every day don’t ya?

When I go back to the USA, I feel like a stranger now. I don’t know where anything is in my apartment anymore. I can’t find all the light switches in the dark. But the trade off to forgetting where your light switches are, is an incredible apartment in Thailand with an ocean view.

I spent time in Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Philippines & Singapore. Fucked whores in all of them. That’s not my purpose for travel but it does help me waste the time after I’m done doing the tourist shit or adventure roaming. So I did get around in 2006, literally, and had to have 20 more pages added to my passport after getting refused departure in Cambodia for not having a single place for them to place an exit stamp. They refused to stamp the very back because it has an autograph of Kid-Rock on it.

During this miserable experience in Cambodia, I sent a text message to a friend of mine and got this reply: “cool. find a whore 2 fuck while you r there.”

Whore mongers to the end.

One night out drinking I lost a shoe and didn’t notice it until I was sobering up and it was long gone. That morning I held onto my bed and vomited out of control, minus a shoe, as the room twirled out of control. That was the last time I went drinking with Jscott and Dugmor.

I met some great new friends. Met some strange fuckers and a few people who I would rather not see again. I also grew a deep hatred for the incredibly rude middle eastern pricks who have invaded Thailand. I call Jihad on them and their hypocritical ways.

We were chased by the cops. I paid off some cops. Someone went to jail.

My baby brother got his Real Estate license while I was out of the country. That came by surprise and added to the reality check of me getting older. That check first came when he turned 30 this year. How does your little brother turn 30? Wow. But I’m very proud of him. Very proud.

My mom found a new boyfriend (she has been single for a while) and is in Love. I have never seen her so happy in my entire life. They even got tattoos like white trash hillbillies. He likes porn, smokes weed, and thinks I have the best job in the word. I’m happy for her and as long as she’s happy… that’s all that matters to me. Go mom! 2006 was a kick as year for her.

Kman tied the knot with a woman. I repeat, Kman tied the knot with a woman. I don’t think I need to go into detail on the magnitude of this for those of you who know him, but for those of you who don’t, it’s as close to Hell freezing over as they come. Speaking of… the above pic is how he gets down. Respect. Please note, there is only one female in that photo.

I wish I could say I did more this year, but it was mostly spent working, traveling or breaking international laws. However, if I had to sum up 2006 in a word… Whores.

So what will I do this year for new years? First I will tell you what I won’t do, and that is a repeat of what I did last year on new years. In fact, I spent it with the same guys that I lost my shoe with (Jscott & Dugmor) and spent it in a drunken stupor barebacking some chubby Thai hooker with ENORMOUS tits on the piss covered bathroom floor of a Go-Go Bar in Pattaya. < insert joke about the first case of 2006 Gonorrhea here > I can assure you I won’t be doing that again.

This year I will be sitting at home, in Kentucky, watching the world have fun on TV. It’s cold and wet. But to be honest, how can I top last year?

Happy New Years to all of you!!! I would tell you to be safe, but we both know there is no fun in that. Safety is for pansies and men named Shelia. Have unprotected sex with a stranger. Lose a shoe. Lose your pants. Get shit faced and drive home. Some of you just laughed, some just thought I was being irresponsible for saying that but we all know it’s reality and it’s going to happen.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real, Memories, Sex, Shemales, Thailand, Thinking Out Loud, Whores | Tags: , , , ,

I hate you Thai monkey!

28 December 2006 by dwb

I have a new Sony VX2100 video camera and I had it in my carry on when I left Thailand the last time. It’s on my person, padded, and protected, what can go wrong?

First of all, Suvarnabhumi Airport (the new airport) is beautiful. However, saying that it is 1/2 way between Pattaya and Bangkok is a crock of shit. It shaves off maybe 20 minutes from going to the old airport.

Besides the stories of corruption where millions were swindled by the Thais who were building the place, they went all out on the design and build. However, one issue I have (besides the large signs everywhere inside the airport pointing to the Muslim Prayer Rooms as you depart and go to your plane), is that they allow you to walk through security, get drinks & buy Duty Free items, and then they take them from you before you board the plane. This is Thai idiocy at its best.

Then, after the main security they do another security check right before you get on the plane, and it’s by hand. They look at everything and tear your just re-packed bags apart. Again.

The inconsiderate monkey who dug into my bag tore it to shreds like a starved animal in search of food. Then he piled it all up and literally jumped in the air to put his weight onto my bag to make it all fit. I shit you not. I heard a “crack” and some other noise and screamed at him, pushing him off my bag. In typical Thai idiot fashion, he laughed and said, “no pom-pem.” He then tore into my second bag. I was considering tearing his throat out but figured his meaningless life was not worth wasting mine.

After the bag rape, I didn’t have time to open everything back up and actually check all the items for damage, but I knew something broke. I heard it. I thought it was a piece of carved wood that I was bringing home as a gift.

Guess again.

I just unpacked to find out that cricket eating, uneducated, United Airlines employee actually cracked the mic on the VX2100 and smashed in a button so it is no longer active.

Nothing else in the bag was broke, the “crack” was the camera that cost more than his entire village.

I am so pissed off right now, I would literally burn down his entire village if I knew exactly where it was.

That reminds me…

Thailand’s New Years is called Songkran, and it’s a water festival. I think I blogged about it before.

I was filming Mr. Kincade last year and as we walked past a group of girls I asked them to please not throw water on me because I had my camera. All of them was cool and said OK but was I was passing, this one flea bag whore said, “I don’t care” and dumped an entire bucket of water onto my VX2100 video camera. I don’t recall much after that other than seeing red and wanting to snap her neck. Maybe I did grab her by her neck, I don’t recall now. Have to ask Kincade.

“I don’t care!” She said. What kind of a person do such a thing? Again, this herpes and hepatitis infected whore was probably raised in a shack but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t taught to respect other peoples property. That is the same as me going to her parents thatch roof house and catching it on fire. They would cry and say “please, it’s our only house” and I would say “I don’t care!” and torch it with a smile on my face. Then skin that whore alive and pour rubbing alcohol all over her.

Some of the people in Thailand never ceases to amaze me, and just when you think they can’t out-dumb themselves, they totally go above and beyond the call of duty to prove you wrong. And don’t think it’s just the Thais, because many of the foreigners who visit or live there are just as bad.

Where’s Bird Flu and SARS when ya need it?

Leave a comment | Categories: Gear, Keepin It Real, Memories, On The Road, Thailand | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Thai Special Forces

21 September 2006 by dwb

This is the first look at the new Thai Special Forces and Home Guard units that were sent in to bring peace and order to The Kingdom Of Thailand.

Word has it that once they spread a nasty case of Gonorrhea throughout the land, The Kingdom will be theirs for the taking.

Apparently the guard units are also controlling the hospitals, clinics and pharmacies where all STD medicine is stored and administered.

“These whores were not messing around!” claims an American bystander who was nursing his cock wound outside of Nana Plaza. “They moved with such precision and speed, it was impossible to stop them!” said Yootapong Sanatari, a General in the Thai military.

I will post more as the story develops.

Leave a comment | Categories: Preposterousness, Random Photos, Thailand | Tags: , , , ,

John Mark Karr released

28 August 2006 by dwb

I saw this coming and only have 2 words for all of the parties involved in this case: “Forensic Evidence”

Next time you may want to do a little of that before you bring someone around the world and create a media frenzy. The guy is a pedo for sure, but a little homework would have saved a lot of time, effort, money and embarrassment.

Lets chalk this one up as a Forensic Fail.

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real, News, Thailand | Tags: , ,

John Mark Karr arrested

17 August 2006 by dwb

So I wake up today to hear that John Mark Karr was captured in Thailand for the murder of JonBenet Ramsey 10 years ago. Not news that surprises me but what did send bumps down my neck is that he was living in The Blooms, which also doubles as a short time hotel for fucking whores. Though I have no idea who this guy is, I am guilty of doing despicable things to Thai prostitutes in this very hotel.

Though it seems like a playground for those trying to escape something and hide, Thailand is not really the right place to “disappear,” at least not these days. At one time it was but now one must flee deep into Cambodia or Laos if you truly want to fade away into nothing. My bet is that he went there anyway on holiday to bang little girls, but that is just my opinion. His mistake was not living there and trying to work in Thailand.

This guy looks like a fruit cake to me. I’m going to go out on a limb and say he’s a mental case and may not be the guy they are looking for.

Leave a comment | Categories: Busted, News, Thailand | Tags: , , ,

Return Of The Mack

17 August 2006 by dwb

I’m going to be posting on some past events, in no order so try to stay with me.

My friend Jimmy came to town after a 2 year absence due to a run-in with INTERPOL and the Royal Thai Police. It was all a huge mix up, be he still had to sort it out.

His first night walking back at Nana Plaza he was telling me how good it felt to be back and problem free. About that time some drunken soccer hooligan just walked up and punched him right in the face. (BTW… this is him about to suck a girls nipple inside a bar. Not big deal, but the girl came with her boyfriend who just walked off to the bathroom.)

Jimmy did the smart thing and walked away because he knew if all hell broke loose it was going to cramp our evening. So he walked over to the cops to round this guy up, but the drunk took off running and the hunt was on.

All of us were looking for this guy when I’m spotted by a guy talking to a ladyboy, “hey are you Dimitri?” he asked. Fuck, not now! Bad timing.

I didn’t have time to talk but it ended up being Vin Cross, a new guy shooting over here in Thailand. I wasn’t being rude to him, but it was honestly the worst time in the world to try to talk to me as we were all hunting this prick who sucker punched Jimmy in the mouth.

The cops finally found the prick and this ass hat decided he wanted to fight the cops… you know the rest of this story so I won’t waste my time writing it.

The punch was wasn’t a strong one, but what made it bad was just a few hours before Jimmy had to have one of his teeth pulled at the hospital, and as luck would have it, he got hit right there where the tooth was just removed. Ouch.

That is the end of that story.

Back in the saddle, this soi dog was on the streets and macking bitches like the old days. Whores, non-whores, business women… all fair game for Jimmy. He’s fluent in Thai, reads and writes it, and knows how to play the game here. Three girls a day, never pays, a true mack in every sense of the word. He even has hi-so girls with rich daddies take him shopping. If anyone truly deserved a key to the city here, it is this guy.

This pic is him and his pasty white ass humping the pizza delivery girl (from Pizza Company) on my bed. No shit. I ordered pizza, he gets laid.

I pay for the pizza, he fucks for free on my bed.

See what I’m talking about? Bow to the power.

Leave a comment | Categories: Drama Factor, Keepin It Real, Memories, Thailand, Thinking Out Loud | Tags: , , , ,

Virgins & Big Toes

01 August 2006 by dwb

Yea, I’ve been slacking but I slept with a 19 year old Filipina Virgin last night to make up for it. God bless the Philippines.

Anyhoo… lots has been going on since I was attacked by a soi dog. The FBI started doing 2257 record inspections and so far 3 DVD companies have been inspected. From what I hear all passed but we both know that all it’s going to take is one company to not have to together and it’s going to be a feeding frenzy.

I’m confident I would be OK during an inspection, but how nervous would that be to have the FBI in your home or office looking through your shit?

Another soi dog rolled into town and has been spreading his seed across the Kingdom. Jimmy is in town and it’s been two years since he was here. He deserves his own post so I will get to that soon. Stand by for his story.

A very evil big toeMy ingrown toenail is back. That was the downer of the week. I think when I get back to the USA I’m going to bite the bullet and have it cut out for good. The entire nail gone. I have endured pain like a person should never have to endure with this nail getting clipped in Colombia twice and Thailand four times… no numbing, just some girl in a salon with clippers and my puss filled toe… and yet here it is again.

At this point it may hurt less to just get the toe amputated.

“But then you can’t walk” is what you are saying now, but since I’m on it let me tell you a story about the last time I slept with a virgin.

I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart and she was missing her big toe. Apparently her father was cutting the grass on his riding lawn mower and had her in his lap. Well, she fall off and her little leg went under the mower and somehow only her big toe was cut off. Truly a miracle. She walks fine and has perfect balance so the myth about losing your balance without a big toe is busted. My God was that girl sexy with a huge set of milky tits that were way too big for her age. Good times. :-) I’d pay good money to hit that again.

That is probably a lot of info for you to process so I will leave you alone for a bit to figure it all out. I’m going to bed to dream about sleeping with virgins with big tits, but I will probably end up having nightmares about giant big toes. I hate when I have that dream.

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real, Memories, On The Road, Philippines, Thailand, Thinking Out Loud | Tags: , , , , ,

How many Kilos?

26 June 2006 by dwb

At about 4am this morning I was stuck under a ledge outside of a 7-11 while it was raining sideways. It just so happened that also stuck with me was 6 bar girls who were all getting on a little digital scale to see how many kilos they weigh. It only costs 1 baht (less than 3 cents) to do this and it occupies the whores.

I’m watching these fuck pigs giggle and try to guess the others weight. Being bored out of my skull I jumped in and asked them how many kilos they thought I weighed. A few giggles and then the guesses started… 98, 102, 105, 95, 100 and 99.

All wrong.

I know this because I was on the scale last night, but I felt like fucking with these girls because anyone who has spent any amount of time here knows how much Thai people LOVE to gamble.

I asked them if they wanted to put money on it and without a seconds thought they all said yes. After some hustling, I was able to get them up to 400 baht (about $10 USD) each, which is a chunk of change for a fat bar girl. The deal was that if any of them guessed my weight, I would pay them 400 baht each. However, if they were all wrong, they would all pay me 400 baht. It was a deal.

We all got out our money and let a moto bike taxi driver hold it. That was a stupid thing to do but it was raining so hard I had doubts that he would run with it, and he didn’t. But he was equally curious to see how much this fat falang weighed.

I asked them again, one at a time, how much they thought I weighed.

98… 102… 105… 95… 100 and 99, they said.

I didn’t have change on me so one of the pigs paid for for the scale. They all started pushing me to get on the scale so I stepped on it. The scale sang it’s little song and displayed “107.5 Kilos” in a bright red digital font. Booyah! I win. I may be a pig myself, but to beat a Thai girl in any game is a great accomplishment.

The girls piss and moan but the taxi driver hands me the money and I walk away just as the rain is letting up. I was able to get around 20 feet down the sidewalk when I see a girl I just had to short-time. So right in front of the losers, I told this girl I wanted to take her to a short-time room and to bring her friend. I’d would pay them each 1000 baht if they fucked me and each other. Deal. You know the rest of that story.

To recap… I won a bet, fucked two girls, watched a lesbian show and still had 400 baht in my pocket. Tonight was a good night.

I think I found a new hustle in the Land Of Smiles. I’m going to start hanging out around town at all the baht scales and hustle drunk bitches for my time money. So if you see a chubby white guy always hanging out at the scales… that’s me. Come up and place your bet.

Leave a comment | Categories: Thailand, Whores | Tags: , , ,

My honest maid

23 June 2006 by dwb

My apartment in Thailand is nice. Ocean view, daily maid service, modern furnished room, swimming pool, and so on. My maid knocks on the door every day around 2pm. If I ignore her she will come in and see I am there and she’ll ask if I want her to clean to the room. Most days I will get out of bed and tell her only to give me clean towels.

Today she knocked on the door and walked in. She did this because yesterday I told her to clean the room today… so here she is.

I’m in bed recovering from an all nighter with one of my favorite whores and a 50mg pill of Penegra (generic Viagra). I shot 4 loads in her and to be honest, that did me in. I’m not as young as I used to be.

So the maid comes in, cleans the bathroom and then comes into my room where either A) she did not see me, or B) she is the dumbest cunt in the world. All the while, I’m laying in bed watching her. She notices my shorts, picked them up and goes for the pocket, taking out my cash and begins to count it.

I make a “ah-hem” sound and she panics, quickly putting it back, saying she is sorry.

At this point I get out of bed and start to get dressed. She continues with the “sorry” routine and that she was counting the money to make sure it was all there. Yea, you read that right. I then told her I was going to speak to the building owner and she starts grabbing at my cock, offering her body and services to me.

After last night, my body is spent but due to whatever leftover Penegra in my system, I’m at 82% wood from the grab ass she is playing. So I did what any guy would do, I dropped my boxers and let her go to work.

It was a shitty BJ, but what am I to expect, she is a maid. Only now she is a maid with my sperm in her mouth.

When she was done, I walked down and got the owner anyway. Now the maid is in full panic mode and begins to tell the owner why she was counting my money, to make sure it was all there. A noble story, but I had to explain to the Thai owner that there is no way the maid would even know how much I had in the first place. If you can’t tell by now, logic doesn’t play a large role in Thai society.

This conversation went back and forth for 30 minutes and neither of them could comprehend what I was saying or the logic behind it all. Then, the owner had the audacity to ask me why I did not keep my money in the safe.

So now I’m getting nowhere and it has turned from my maid being a thief to her looking out for me, and it’s all my fault for not keeping my money in the room safe. Thai logic. What did I expect?

I took all the spare keys to the room, and am having the locks changed. The maids now have new rules for my room. Unless there is a waterfall from the room above or fire in my room, nobody, and I mean NOBODY comes in when I am not there. Anyone I catch in the room will get their ass kicked… man, woman or child. This they understood and quickly handed me all the key copies.

The moral of this story would be, never trust your maid.

Leave a comment | Categories: Busted, Thailand | Tags: , , ,

Teens, MILFs and Super Whores

22 June 2006 by dwb

I had a good day today and didn’t even have to scream or abuse any Thai people. Baby steps.

Anyhoo… I have three types of women that flip my trigger and cause me to act stupidly without thought or any regard to life or limb.

* Not in order of importance *

1) MILFS: (Mom I’d Like to Fuck) sexy moms around 28 years and older.

2) Teens: 18 – 19 years old. Young, fit girls with tight bodies and very little experience.

3) Super Whores: A girl of any age who will do just about anything, at any time, with no questions asked.

Please humor me while I discuss the pros and cons of each, then you can discuss amongst yourself.

Eye Candy

Without question teens win this one. A MILF can be sexy with a set of big floppy tits and a fat ass, but when your looking at a little spinner bouncing on your cock with little A or B cups and a bald beaver… that was what Willis was talkin’ ’bout. Firm bodies, tight stomachs, perky little tits, fresh faces, and bubble butts. I’m sporting about 92% wood right now just thinking about it.

Super whores can sometimes be good eye candy because they know how to dress to kill. That is a job requirement of a super whore. They also know how to flaunt it in the sack to turn you on. Another job requirement. It is as if their only purpose on this planet is to milk the cum out of cocks.

MILFs are sexy and sometimes when I am craving fat tits, they are also good eye candy, but when it comes to eye cancy, nothing beats a young girl fresh out of high school. Nothing.

Sexual Performance, Technique and Skill

Super whores and MILFs run neck and neck on this one. Both are experienced in the sack and most of them really enjoy fucking. However, a super whore may beat out the MILF in the long run because she is… a super whore and possesses super powers.

Teens do not generally rank here. She may have power like the energizer bunny but that is as good as it gets. At such a young age they are usually insecure and unsure of their bodies, and most of them don’t yet know exactly how to please themselves.

Of course the exception to this rule is teens who were sexually abused and used a lot growing up. These teens are generally better fucks than the average teen, but still not up to par with a super whore or a MILF.

Some of the best sex I’ve had sas been with MILFs and super whores. Most of my girlfriends have been super whores because that is what I’m usually attracted to. If they are bi-polar, that is a bonus. I like the rush I guess. What does that say about me?

Though, I have to admit, as I get older I am steering clear of super whores for anything other than a short-time fuck in a cheap hotel.

But today, someone flipped the script.

Today I fucked a girl who has only been 18 for a few weeks and she fucked me within an inch of my life with the same passion, vigor and determination as any super whore or MILF could ever have. I was blown away with this little girl. She was a teenage super whore (TSW). Probably abused as a kid, but she was a bigger slut than the abused girls usually are. It was mind blowing how amazing this TSW was.

She is in my bed sleeping as I type this and I would like to add that she is sucking her thumb. Yea, really. I think I’m getting married. In the words of the great poet David Coverdale, “Here we go again.”

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real, Sex, Thailand, Thinking Out Loud, Whores | Tags: , , , , , ,

Got my ass kicked by a ladyboy

14 June 2006 by dwb

So I got my ass kicked by a ladyboy. So what?

She studied Muay Thai for 8 years, I studied Nintendo.

Truth be told, it wasn’t even much of a fight, it was more like a fast massacre.

She was at least nice enough to make me dinner after she tenderized my face. Jenny may be all the nasty things I have said in the past, but she is also an incredible cook. Though afterward, the truth came out that she whacked off on the chicken before she cooked it.

Hell is… getting your ass kicked by a girl with a bigger cock than yours.

Fuckin’ ladyboys. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.

Leave a comment | Categories: Drama Factor, Hell Is:, Keepin It Real, Shemales, Thailand | Tags: , , ,

Coming unglued

13 June 2006 by dwb

I’m sitting outside at Royal Garden Plaza today, watching the people walk by and I started looking at Thai boys and wondering if they would make a pretty ladyboy or not.

Not in a sexual way, but literally I was wondering which of them could transform into a pretty transsexual.

This was the first time I’ve found myself with such thoughts.

“This boy would have to take out his adams apple.”

“That boy needs a nose job.”

“That boy over there, he is so feminine all he needs is long hair and a dress.”

And so on and so forth.

Right about then, ladyboy Noot walks up to me and says she heard that Jenny “boxed me” in the eye. Noot laughed, grabbed my cock and walked off in only a manner that a ladyboy can do. I like to call it, the ladyboy strut.

I called Jenny and asked her why she insists on running her mouth about everything to everyone. Her reply was, “Mis-ter Dee, I box you in eye too mut, you speak no good”, then she grunted and hung up the phone.

Then I called John and asked him what the fuck was going on with his bully sidekick and he warned me that she was, at that very second, putting her shoes on to come find me and “box” me again.

I honestly fear this is going to end badly.

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real, Shemales, Thailand, Thinking Out Loud, What The Fuck | Tags: , , ,

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