Heathens Highway

Sometimes I make porn and stuff. Sometimes I just ramble.

Drinking snake blood in Vietnam

24 March 2006 by dwb

Only in Vietnam can you eat a dog and a snake in the same day.

Against our better judgment, we stopped at snake restaurant (yes, they have those here) to buy a snake, kill it, and drink its blood for power. Or something like that.

The crazy looking Vietnamese man who owned the joint took us to the back and let us choose the snake. Of course if we’re going to do this, we’re going big, so we pointed to the biggest looking fucker they had. He said our choice was a poisonous snake, but fuck if I know. When your drinking snake blood, a snake is a snake.

All I can really say about what happened here is that it’s all fun and games until you almost vomit and snake blood literally shoots out of your nose as you gag. It’s not a pleasant experience, trust me on this one.

The blue pill looking thing you see in one of the photos below is the snake’s gall bladder. Yea, really. The person who pays for the snake is the lucky fuck who gets to eat it. Sometimes it sucks ass being the boss. And while you don’t actually chew the gal bladder, you just swallow it with a drink of blood. Then you can take the rest of the snake home to skin and eat the meat.

I passed on the gall bladder and gave the meat to my Vietnamese friend. I gotta draw the line somewhere. We were only here for the snake blood, and that’s as far as either one of us are willing to go today.

What does it taste like? Well, they mix the snake blood with rice wine so it has a little bit of an alcohol taste, but make no mistake about it, you clearly taste the blood. Ever have your nose busted and had the blood pour down your throat? Remember that taste? It’s like that, plus rice wine, plus snake funk, with just a hint of good old fashioned Vietnamese communism.

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There are more photos of this, but Bin took them and his camera was stolen a few hours later. Yea, really. I just snapped these on my camera. Now I’m wishing I had shot them all.

Leave a comment | Categories: Drink Recipes, Keepin It Real, On The Road, Preposterousness, Pure Awesomeness, Vietnam, What The Fuck | Tags: , , ,

Eating dog in Vietnam

24 March 2006 by dwb

If you have ever been to Thailand, one of the first things you will notice (besides the awful stench blowing out of the street drains) is the insane amount of stray dogs running around. There are too many to count.

Some dogs will even walk right out into traffic and lay down in the middle of the street. Many of them won’t even get up when the horns honk at them. These are suicidal dogs. Until I came to Thailand, I had no idea dogs actually wanted to die and made attempts to do so.

Stray dogs are everywhere in Thailand. Foreigners usually call them “soi dogs.” In Vietnam, they are called “food.”

In the short amount of time I’ve been in Vietnam, I’ve yet to see a single stray dog. Not one.

Leave a comment | Categories: And Now You Know, On The Road, Soi Dogs, Thailand, Vietnam | Tags: , , , ,

Goooooooood Morning Vietnam!

21 March 2006 by dwb

Bootleg Bin and I are in Vietnam. Hell yea!

The local money is called Dong. Really.

We landed in Saigon (now called Ho Chi Mihn City) and right out of the gate we got fucked up on our entry as we were missing a stamp on our Vietnam visas. We ended up in a pale green office with bad overhead lighting, explaining that it was an honest mistake on behalf of the Vietnamese Embassy in Bangkok. I thought maybe they were trying to scam us for a few extra dollars, and maybe they did, but it was only a few bucks and they let us go.

First, let me tell you one thing about the language here… forget it. I am pretty quick to pick up on basic language from just about anywhere but here, I’m totally lost. I can say “hello” and “thank you.” That’s it.

As with any city, any area that deals with tourists usually has a decent grasp of English, but if we venture off the beaten path here, this may be difficult unless it all starts making sense to me.

Being the international whore monger that I am, the seedy part of Saigon was whispering my name, so we sent off in search of some Vietnamese women who wanted to take our dong. See what I did there?

We found out that they’ll also take our dollars, and we had plenty, so our Dong was a waste. It took a little while to track down some quality tail, but we did and it was only $60 US Dollars for some grade-a, 18 year old, Vietnamese poontang. I’d also like to note that their pussy was not lined with razor blades.

I will discuss the intimate details of this poontang later. Right now I want to talk about how clean this city is. It’s incredibly clean. Parts of Saigon are very hip.

It has a vibe to it, rather than a bunch of people fighting to survive. While I’m sure that ugliness is right around the corner somewhere, I haven’t seen it yet.

Vietnam wants your dong and she wants it bad.

I will also add that the quality of gifts and shopping here is way better than most of Thailand’s poor grade tourist crap and copied garbage. There is some serious shopping here, way more than I expected. “You buy now!”

Before I go, I want to comment on the name of the city. It’s weak. “Saigon” is such a kick ass name. “Ho Chi Mihn City” is a second rate name. There is something going on in South East Asia where everyone is changing the best names, like Siam, Burma, and Saigon. All bad ass names. Now they are Thailand, Myanmar, and Ho Chi Mihn City. I’m sure there are many others who dropped the name ball, but those are the ones that come to mind right this second.

Leave a comment | Categories: On The Road, Vietnam | Tags: , , , ,

Team America – Backstage

08 March 2006 by dwb

Team America… Fuck ya!

I have a friend who just happens to know the cats who made the puppets for Team America. So while we were out for lunch, we stopped by and low and behold, there hung the Team America puppets. Very cool.

Without hesitation we went for the females and molested them, taking these pics along the way. This is all I’ll show of the molestation unless there is interest to see naked puppet bodies. But then I’d wonder about what kind of a sick fuck would want to watch us molest puppets. That could make things funny between us so lets just leave it here.

We played with these things for hours, recreating scenes from the movie and laughing until we cried, pissed, and then cried some more.

Enjoy the pics.

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Leave a comment | Categories: And Now You Know, Pure Awesomeness, Random Photos | Tags: , , ,

Hollywood crack motel

02 March 2006 by dwb

11:12am – Someone starts banging at my door at the crack hotel I’m staying in. Since I did not go to sleep until 7am, there had better be news of death or world destruction when I open it.

I was close, it was the Indian that was put on this earth to make my life in LA a living hell.

This twinkle toed cock sucker tells me that my “time is up” and that I needed to “take a break” and come back tomorrow. When he first told me this was going to happen 6 days ago I thought he was joking just to get a rise out of me. It turns out he was a serious as a case of dick cancer.

So I’m standing butt ass naked in the doorway of this shitty place trying to explain to this odd looking person that it is a motel and that motels make money by filling them to capacity as often as they can. Since I was literally the only person staying in the hotel for the past few days, I then went into detail explaining to him how poorly they conducted business.

It all fell of deaf ears because second I was done speaking, he told me to give him the key and he would see me tomorrow.

I laughed and tried to explain to him that once I leave and check into another place, I will not be returning. His reply was “very well, I will see you tomorrow then” and then walked of with the key.

After watching him wobble away, I packed up, left, and moved to another crack hotel down the street which is also operated by Indians. Just all part of the cosmic joke I guess. If they start with me, I will shit all over the room and move to the Extended Stay 20 minutes away.

Right about now you are wondering, “why in the fuck is he staying in crack motels?”

The answer is simple. I can sleep anywhere, and these crack motels just happen to be a one minute drive from our office. To stay in a nicer place, I would have to drive 20 minutes, which is not a big deal in the afternoon, but after you’ve been working all day and night, the last thing I want to do is drive any distance at 5am as I’m falling asleep. If I only use the room to shit, shower, shave, and sleep, it serves it purpose. But the Indians have to go.

The good news is, I believe a Motel 8 is being built just around the corner. I’m looking forward to staying there.

Hell is… trying to get a full eight hours sleep in an Indian owned crack motel.

Leave a comment | Categories: Hell Is:, Keepin It Real, On The Road | Tags: , ,

Pretty Little Latinas 35

27 February 2006 by dwb

Third World Media is pumping out DVDs faster than I can shoot them.

Here is Pretty Little Latinas #35, shot in Colombia.

If memory serves, this will be the last DVD from Colombia because right after this was shot we were raided and all of our footage and gear seized by the policia. All of the other footage was shipped home before the raid and this is what your getting here.

This DVD is kind of personal to me because both of the cover girls were my private cum dumpsters for most of the time we were there. I rotated them every few days. The one on the left was a phenomenal whore. She was a coke head, as many are in Colombia, but she was simply fantastic and would massage my cock with her pussy after I would cum in her. True talent. I’d put that whore on the national flag if I was the president down there.

Good times.

I hope I didn’t make any babies.

Leave a comment | Categories: Colombia, On The Road, Porno, Sex, Whores | Tags: , ,

Crack hotel blues

24 February 2006 by dwb

As I mentioned before, I’m staying at a crack hotel in North Hollywood. Not that I can’t afford a better place, well maybe I can’t, but its right down the street from where I am working 18 hour days getting these new sites and affiliate program off the ground.

The Indians who run my hotel are fucking with me almost daily. The will only let me pay for two days at a time and then call me at 11am to come down to pay more on the third day, after I did not go to bed until 6 or 7am and have asked them repeatedly to not bother me until 3pm. I spoke to the manager and he said he would let me pay one week at a time now, so today that is what I attempted to do.

I told the Indian working there that I was going to stay for two more weeks now because my job was taking longer than planned. He told me with a straight face that I can not stay for two consecutive weeks and that I could only stay for one week, then I would have to check out for one full day and then come back the next day to stay the second  week.

He didn’t look like he was fucking with me, but anything is possible. It’s hard to trust a guy who is talking to you and at the same time his head is moving like a wobble doll.

I’m already aggravated with these people so I just say “OK” and try to pay for the week. Not so fast! He will only let me pay for six days and not the full week! That’s a day short for those of you with a learning disability.

Maybe he is fucking with me.

It’s too close to the office and I am too lazy to change hotels right this minute, so if I don’t murder him, I’m going to have to put up with his shit.

One thing that I have been doing, since he has been terrorizing me, is every morning when I roll in around 6 or 7am and he is still sleeping in the office, I wake him up. I make up an excuse to need him. Toilet paper, soap, towels… what ever. I just wake that asshole up every chance I get for the non-sense he is putting me through.

I wish I had my camera with me or I would show you some pics of this shit hole and the numb nut Indians running the joint.

Now that I’m thinking about it, I may kill him tonight. I’ll let you know how it works out.

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real, On The Road, Thinking Out Loud, What The Fuck | Tags: , ,

Taco Bell ass wiper

18 February 2006 by dwb

We were at Taco Bell tonight, eating healthy like we always do, and this old guy walks up to us and comments on how cold it was.

He looked like he could be homeless, insane at the very least. Whatever he was, he was one of “those” guys.

We acknowledge his comment with a friendly nod and he starts to walk away, ripping a very loud, wet fart as he does. It stops him dead in his tracks.

So there we are waiting on our food, and this guy who just sharted, walks up to the counter, grabs some napkins and wipes his shitty ass right there in front of everyone. He looks at the napkin, sees the shit, then tosses it in the trash bin. Fucking nasty ass old crazy fuck.

I don’t know which is more disturbing, the fact that he just shit himself and wiped his ass in front of everyone, or the fact that nobody seemed to care that he did.

Speaking of nasty fucks, I have been staying at a crack motel. I have been there a week now and I have yet to have my room cleaned, get a new towl or a new roll of toilet paper. The room is complete with full, beat up 1960’s decor. It makes want to hit the pipe and bang street whores. I don’t actually smoke crack, but I will fuck whores in this motel, no doubt about it.

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real, On The Road, What The Fuck | Tags: , , , , ,

Pretty Little Latinas 34

13 February 2006 by dwb

And yet another DVD hits the streets. This one was also shot in Colombia last year, with a bonus scene from a bad ass girl from Brazil.

Pretty Little Latinas 34

There is a girl in this DVD named Shalaby, who is married, works in a brothel, and tells her husband that she is going to school, so he sends her money to do so. That guy is going to beat her scandalous ass if he ever sees this scene.

Another one of the girls in the movie has a boyfriend who is a policeman.

Both of them had zero problems taking raw cock and pussies full of cum.

God bless whores.

Leave a comment | Categories: Colombia, On The Road, Porno, Sex, Whores | Tags: , , ,

Hateful ex-girlfriends

04 February 2006 by dwb

These are hateful things that evil women like to say after a breakup:

1) By the way… I have herpes.
2) I’m pregnant with your child!
3) You never made be cum, I faked every orgasm.
4) My new boyfriend makes me cum harder that I ever have in my life.

And these are the ones that I could care less about:

3) You never made be cum, I faked every orgasm.
4) My new boyfriend makes me cum harder that I ever have in my life.

Because to be honest, I could care less if the whore got off or not. I got mine and that’s pretty much all that matters.

But number 2 is the funniest one in the event you have had a vasectomy and she doesn’t know about it. A friend of mine had that happen to him.

Leave a comment | Categories: Thinking Out Loud, Whores | Tags: ,

My brazilian whore

28 January 2006 by dwb

Today I found another old photo on my computer that made me laugh. I’ll share the story with you because it’s a funny one.

I was in Brazil with a couple of world class whore mongers two years ago and we ended up in the north in a place called Itapua, which is near Salvador. We were chilling out on the beach one day, drinking up a storm, soaking in the sun and flirting with the girls as they walked by. All locals. We were the only tourists on this beach. It was great.

The girl in the photo was hanging out with us and eventually we ended up back in my room and my raw cock inside of her. Every time she made me cum, she would get me hard again, then get me off, again. She literally drained my balls for two days. We ordered room service when we got hungry, and fucked until we could not fuck anymore. It was glorious.

My Portuguese is limited so I really didn’t know what she was going on about once she started speaking quickly, but on day three, she wanted to go out that night, and that was fine with me. To be honest, I couldn’t fuck anymore.

That night we go out and she keeps trying to take us somewhere in this little town. One road led to another and we ended up in a fairly slummy part of town. Having already been mugged in this town, I was little uneasy, but went along like a moron anyway.

As we got closer, I noticed we were walking up to a whore house. A big one. It had two floors, loud music and photos all over the outside to showcase the girls inside. My girl runs up to the front and points to the largest photo in the group, it is her.

Shit.

My girl, the one I had been raw dogging for two days straight, was the main whore in the entire whore house. She had the biggest photo outside and was apparently the star attraction.

If you’ve ever had one of those “what the fuck have I done” moments, then you know exactly what was going through my head. I had been banging the biggest whore in the entire city without a rubber.

I guess I met her during a holiday, because I never saw her again after that night. All I have to remember her by is this photo, a receipt for Cipro and Zithromax, and the fond memory of drippy dick.

Leave a comment | Categories: Brazil, Keepin It Real, Memories, On The Road, Sex, Whores | Tags: , , , , ,

Filthiest photo online

27 January 2006 by dwb

I was told this is the filthiest photo on the internet.

Photoshopped it may be, and disgusting it is, but if there is one worse, I don’t want to see it.

Of course Goatse or Tub Girl are disgusting photos, but neither of them involve a pig or sausage.

Actually, now that I think about it, Tub Girl is worse because it’s real. So is Goatse. So I may be wrong here. This may only be the 3rd filthiest photo online.

If you live in a cave and don’t know about those two pics, you should search for them. You’ll know when you find it.

Leave a comment | Categories: Random Photos, The Internetz, What The Fuck | Tags: , ,

Asian sex slaves

24 January 2006 by dwb

I’ve been reading a really heavy book called “Sex Slaves: The Trafficking Of Women In Asia” by Louise Brown.

The book is from travels and research of the author when he explored the dark side of the sex industry in Asia. He highlights stories from girls who have escaped a life of slavery and tells stories of the majority who have not.

It is a most disturbing read.

Even if you think you know all there is to know about modern sex slaves, you should read this book, because you probably don’t have a clue.

The author dives deep into “why” they are trafficked, and “who” is trafficking and buying the girls. He also explains why it is so culturally accepted among many Asian nations.

A disturbing but necessary read for anyone who enjoys the guilty pleasures of the Asian sex industry.

Leave a comment | Categories: Cambodia, China, Indonesia, Japan, Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, Whores | Tags: , , ,

Porn is forever

23 January 2006 by dwb

I’m really fed up with chicks who shoot a video, then when they get caught by someone they know, call me begging me to remove their videos and photos. It is getting out of hand.

In addition to all the other wack bitches who have done this, I have this black girl on my ass right now because just about everyone she knows found out she was banging a white boy on the internet.

Now… she didn’t care anything about this when she was getting top dollar for a days work. I wanted her so bad I paid her more than some of the girls in LA get. Yea, really. And I shot her two days in a row, so she took home a lot of cash.

She also didn’t care anything about being seen when she called me back the following week wanting to do it again because she needed… more money.

At no time did she care or even think about her friends at that point. All she cared about was getting paid. But once that money is gone, everything changes.

Now that she is busted, she claims her life is ruined, she is ashamed, she doesn’t want to leave the house, everyone at work knows she did it and talks about it every day… yadda, yadda, yadda, ebonics, ebonics, ebonics. I lost track of what she was saying 3/4 of the way through the conversation when she got super ghetto on me. Sorry Dalonda, I don’t speak ebonics.

The first thing I told her was she needed to nip the work shit in the ass. That is sexual harassment. Period. She needs to hire an attorney and go get their ass. I’m sure some ambulance chaser would be all over that one.

Second, I reminded her how she was loving the money she got and had fun spending it. It’s only when your broke and busted do you feel bad for what you did.No one forced you to do anything and you even signed a contract with me. You knew damn good and well what you were doing.

Of course all of that fell on deaf ears.

At this point she is willing to do “anything” she says. And she means anything to get her photos and videos pulled off the internet. That’s all fine and dandy but there is no going back once your image is on the internet. Porn is forever.

Even if I did remove her from my site, there are countless webmasters who use her photos and video samples for promotion. Not to mention how much money those two scenes are really worth. They are worth a lot more than she can afford to buy back from me, which I did give her the option to buy them back at 4x what I paid her to make them. And that was being nice.

I’m not trying to be a dick, but I’m sick of this happening. This is not the first time. They need money so they work, so they work. Then they get caught. Then I’m all of a sudden the dirt bag who is exploiting them. But lets not forget that almost every one of them sells her pussy on the side, as that is usually how I meet them. This girl was a huge ho when I met her.

Part of being an adult is learning to live with the decisions you made in the past, good or bad. Lord knows I have made plenty and would love to have a “do over” or a reset button, but that’s not going to happen. I live with what I have done.

The worst thing about all of this is, when she gets in a pickle again, she will call me wanting to work. Again. Even after all this. That is what they all do. So far, every one who has called me in tears begging for me to remove their photos and videos ALL called me at a later date wanted to shoot again.

There is a common thread among whores. They can’t save money. They spend all the money they have. They will do anything to get more. And most of them date some dead beat who smokes weed all day, plays video games and takes most of her money.

Speaking of video games, anyone see the new Grand Theft Auto? I just saw the tail end of the commercial for it last night. I love that game. It is only there I can beat the shit out of these bitches and not feel bad about it.

Leave a comment | Categories: Drama Factor, Funny Things Whores Say, Keepin It Real, Porno, Sex, Thinking Out Loud, What The Fuck, Whores | Tags: ,

Old school kids

21 January 2006 by dwb

Another gem found on a message board.

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a water bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren’t overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were OK.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendos, or X-boxes. We did not have 99 channels on cable, no DVD’s or video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no internet, no IPods and no MP3 players.

WE HAD FRIENDS . . . we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live in us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real, Memories, Pure Awesomeness, Something Positive | Tags: ,

White Pimps

18 January 2006 by dwb

White men should not be allowed to attempt to dress like a black pimp, or act like one. In doing so they completely insult The Game and all the real pimps who pimp for a living, and not just dress like one for a party.

NEW RULE:
If you are white, you are not allowed to dress and/or act like a pimp unless you have done at least two of the following:

[   ] You really are a pimp and currently own or have at one time owned a stable of hoes who sell/sold their body for you and gave you at least 1/2 of their money.

[  ] You have ever put a single bitch on the Ho Stroll.

[  ] You have back handed a bitch, followed by the statement, “Bitch, where’s my money?”

[  ] You own a Cadillac, a pimp cane, a pair of either lime green, pink or yellow Gator shoes AND have at least $1000 USD cash in your pocket right now.

[  ] You currently own and operate or have done so in the past, an escort agency.

[  ] You have been arrested at least once for Promoting Prostitution.

Unless two of these apply to you, it is from this day forward illegal for a white man, especially an adult webmaster, to pretend to be a pimp or think he IS a pimp.

Leave a comment | Categories: Keepin It Real | Tags: , ,

A great Thai whore

17 January 2006 by dwb

I was looking through old folders on my computer today and I came across this Thai whore.

Ae was one of the first scenes we shot in Thailand years back and to this day is one of my favorite whores.

After we shot her, she was so horny that she wanted every single one of us to fuck her until she got off.

There were 4 of us that day… all dropped a load inside her little snatch one after another, some of us dropped a few loads.It was a several hour fuck fest and she ended up getting off a few times. The more cum that was dumped inside of her, the harder she would cum. It was hot.

I wish I could give awards to some of these whores, because the good ones deserve to be noticed and praised for their actions, which is usually above and beyond the call of duty.

Buddha bless good whores like Ae. They just don’t sell them like that anymore.

Leave a comment | Categories: Memories, On The Road, Random Photos, Sex, Thailand, Whores | Tags: , ,

Burning whores alive

15 January 2006 by dwb

I found this photo today on a message board and they were discussing how it was a photo shoot gone wrong.

Holy shit!

I can’t imagine how many turds the photographer had in his pants when this happened. I have no idea how it ended, but I hope nobody actually got hurt.

What a cluster fuck.

If anyone has more info on this, I’d love to hear it.

Leave a comment | Categories: Preposterousness, Random Photos, The Internetz, What The Fuck | Tags: ,

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